Finding wise mind in the kitchen.
There’s this idea that Wise Mind only shows up for the big things. The life decisions. The crises. The moments where everything feels loud and confusing. And sure, those are the times we want it most. But lately, I’ve been noticing that Wise Mind doesn’t only live in the life-changing moments… it lives in the tiny ones too.
Most mornings, I sit with my first cup of coffee before the day begins to pull at me. Some days the mug feels warm and grounding in my hands. Other days I’m drinking it on autopilot, elbow deep in emails, thinking about everything else. Today, I caught myself pausing long enough to notice the steam rising, the smell of coffee, the way the light hit the counter. I felt my feet on the floor.
And I thought, Ah. There you are! A small Wise Mind moment. Nothing dramatic. Nothing profound. Just a quiet shift toward being here instead of there (wherever there is).
What I’ve learned, and what I teach in DBT all the time, is that Wise Mind isn’t some distant place we have to “get to.” It’s built in. It’s inside us. And the way we access it most often isn’t through huge revelations… but through tiny choices that happen again and again throughout the day.
When I choose to take three mindful breaths before opening my email instead of bracing myself for stress, that’s wise mind. When I decide to drink a full glass of water between sessions even though my emotions are telling me to respond to a gchat message, that’s wise mind. When I sit with an emotion for 2 minutes rather than pushing past myself, that’s wise mind too.
We tend to imagine Wise Mind as this clear, steady voice that arrives only when we’re deeply reflective. But more often, it’s the voice that whispers in the background throughout the day, inviting us to make a new, small, effective choice. Something doable. Something that nudges us toward the life we’re trying to build.
And when we practice those small choices consistently, something special happens. Wise mind becomes easier to access in the moments that are big too. We don’t have to go searching for it because we’ve been in touch with it regularly.
So if you’re reading this and thinking you don’t know how to find your Wise Mind, start small.
Pause while you take your first sip of coffee.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Notice the way your chest rises when you breathe.
Wise Mind isn’t a destination. It’s a practice (again and again). Here’s to the little moments that guide us back to our wise selves.
Rooting for you!
-Lori